Saturday, January 29, 2011

Celtic dreaming

Not California Dreaming, but Celtic Dreaming.

I hope my interest holds for a year. Seems I'm doing a lot of thinking about Celtic stuff and Irish and Ireland these days. Especially since determining that I was going to do my best to journal this adventure - the knitting of the cape.

I've been reading other blogs, and Ravelry posts, and I feel suddenly so shallow. I joined this KAL originally because I thought it would be cool to knit a cape with lots of cables based on celtic knots. Then I started to get to know some of the other people on this adventure, and especially the Ryan family. Meagheen, the designer, is using the cape to tell a story. Her story. Ireland's story. Already I am learning things. Things I thought I knew. I suppose, in a way, I did/do know them, but not from such a personal angle. It is one thing to read a newspaper, to watch a documentary or movie based on fact. It is an entirely different thing indeed to hear a first hand account, from one who lived it. Especially when you find that you have so much in common with the person - shared interests, shared attitudes in general....

It is an eye-opening wake up call for me for sure.

I am somewhat beginning to question who I am, what I am. I mean, I know myself, rather well. I am pretty much comfortable in my own skin. Happy with myself. BUT - I sometimes feel, well, shallow. I mean, many people have a heritage, a sense of belonging. I feel somewhat lost at times. I feel like I don't belong.

I was born in Canada. So, I am Canadian. Yet, I don't really *feel* Canadian. My parents, my brothers, and my sister were all born in England. I have English heritage. Yet, I don't really *feel* English. I try to be proud to be Canadian. But I'm not always ssure what that truly means. I don't fly the flag from my rooftop, I don't play the anthem every morning. Heck, I don't even know the words to it anymore - someone decided it needed to be rewritten, and I just never got around to figuring out the new words. As for identifying with being English... I was once quite proud of my heritage. Proud to be English. Yet, there have been two times in my life when I felt like denying it, however. Falling back on the fact that I was born in Canada. the first time was when on a trip at a Carribbean resort. Half way through our week there, a group arrived to stay for a week or two - they had taken a cruise ship to get there. They were all from England. And they were the most rude, arrogant group of people I'd ever met. Sure, the resort employees were there to serve us, but that doesn't mean they should be treated like less than people... My initial joy at possibly meeting and talking to people from my "homeland" soon turned to disappointment and even revulsion. I did not want to be associated with such people. I do not believe that all English are like that group, but it definitely made me a little less proud.

The other time is right now -

Again, I know that regardless of how some or even a majority of people in any given group behaves that it doesn't necessarily reflect the beliefs or values of all of the people, I still feel uncomfortable knowing that I could be considered to be "like them". To be so close to someone or someones who have been hurt by the events of a war that I know of but really not about....

And, then there is the part where I really am not totally sure of what my heritage really is...

I mean, yeah, my parents and siblings were all born in England. However, I was always told by my mother that there was Irish and Welsh blood in me from her side, and Scottish and English on my father's side. BUT - memory being what it is, and these recollections were not the stories passed down from generation to generation but rather passing comments made when I was still fairly young, I'm not totally sure of the accuracy. Or, how many generations back. What I do know, is that I have always had a fondness for celtic music, for celtic artwork, and for knitting cables.

So, sure- I'm shallow. I admit I've joined this KAL because I'm intrigued by the idea of knitting a top down hooded cape with lots of cables.

But I'm also willing to say that I am not perfect. I do not know everything. But I am openminded, and adventurous, and most important, I am willing to learn. And I'm willing to offer help when I can, to my fellow adventurers. I look forward to the journey, and to the new friendships that are developing and will develop as the year continues. I mean, I have a choice - I can abandon the project and bow out quietly, or I can sit quietly in the background and only participate when needed, or I can jump in with both feet - take the route less travelled - and grow.

I shall be forever changed by this journey. I have no doubt that the change will be a positive one, a definite chance to grow. And maybe, by learning along the way, I'll be better equipped to help to prevent civil wars that drive wedges between peoples in the future. Maybe, I might even find myself along the way....

No comments:

Post a Comment